Taboo List China #1

Chinese Culture Taboo #1: Take credit for achievements -One of the first things most foreigners in China learn about cultural differences is the way to reply to compliments. In America if someone says you have a nice car or keep up your yard well you would most likely say, "Thank you. I have worked hard for it." To respond to a compliment like that in China would be considered very prideful. It is almost like there are set rules for what is right to say in certain situations. Say for example, you are visiting a friend who has recently moved to a new house. When you enter you are expected to make some positive remarks about his house. “It is spacious.” “The lighting is good.” “It faces the correct direction.” “No, it is small.” “The lighting is not very good, especially in the afternoons.” “A lot of noise drifts up from the street.” You are never supposed to directly accept the praise. There is a Chinese phrase that is basically an all inclusive "divert praise" conversation tool. That is "na li, na li". The direct English translation is "Where, where?" Whenever people compliment my Chinese, and it doesn't take much language prowess to draw compliments, I use this phrase and people know that since I didn't say "Thank you" I must have been in China a while.

I heard of a story of a foreigner who complimented a Chinese woman by telling her she was pretty. She had practiced a bit of English and knew how to translate some Chinese phrases directly into English. So she said, "Where, where?" The foreigner was quite taken aback, but assumed she just wanted a bit more praise. He said, "Umm, uh, your face is quite attractive." By now she was blushing. "Where, where?" This time the foreigner thought she was pretty presumptuous to keep demanding more praise, but didn't want to offend her. "Well, your nose is quite graceful and your eyes have a sparkle to them."" This time her whole face was bright red as she stammered one more time, "Where?"