Cultural Difference #3: Anyone can ask anyone else how much money he makes –
During my time in China I have sometimes been a visitor of English Corners. These are set places at set times where Chinese (mostly students) gather to practice their English. A lot of topics come up during these conversations, but one of the most common is my salary and it is not me bringing up. A typical conversation might go like this
:
Chinese: “What do you do?”
Me: “I am a teacher and teach kids.”
Chinese: “How much do you make?”
Me: “Umm, well, uhh, cough. While we are on the topic of making money, what do you think of Yao Ming?”
Asking how much I make is not a topic restricted to English Corners. Pretty much every foreigner spending any amount of time in China will face this question again and again. People don't only ask foreigners, but they are free to ask anyone, Chinese and foreign alike. And most chinese are normally willing to answer. This directness goes beyond asking salary to include the price of anything. It is common to ask the purchase price or rent amount of the home you live in “Not a bad deal.” “Wow, you paid a lot. You are rich!” I must say that of all the cultural differences between China and America this is one of the few that I haven't been able to adjust too well. Try as I will, I am just not too comfortable telling the price of the home I live in to an almost stranger. This is not to say that this habit is wrong. Like many in China it is just different.
The generally accepted norms for physical contact are quite different in China. As mentioned in the article on Chinese cultural taboos, members of the opposite sex do not hug as a greeting and handshakes are rare. Whereas members of the opposite sex basically have no physical contact, members of the same sex actually have much more than in the US. It is quite common to see ladies walking down the street holding hands. They also often walk with arms interlinked at the elbow. Newcomers to China might get the wrong impression, but there is nothing weird going on. It is simply the culturally correct way to show friendliness and affection. Guys will often walk along with their arms over each others shoulders. I still haven't gotten quite used to that as it is a bit too comfy for my tastes. Fortunately since I am about eight inches taller than the average Chinese guy I don't have to worry about it too much.
In the West, this is generally an innocent question. You could have a hundred reasons for asking such as planning a party or event, preparing a gift, or simple banter. In China, it could be much more than an innocent question and cause you a load of trouble. Asking someone his birth date often signals a romantic interest. Why? Traditionally China has complex rules for making the perfect match of husband and wife. It is not necessarily based on interests, hobbies, or even love. It is based on calculations by fortune tellers or feng shui specialists who have professional careers in matchmaking. Parents will often submit the birth date (down to the minute and second) of their child and their child's significant other. These specialists are paid big bucks to somehow determine if they match and if the marriage will be "lucky" or "prosperous." So if a guy asks a girl for her birth date it could be interpreted as, "I am interested in marrying you and want to see if we are a match." Again, this is not as important to the younger generation as the elder generation. Many traditions like this are gradually waning in importance. But if you want to avoid any confusion it is better to stick to safer topics. And if someone asks you your birth date, watch out!
summarize the "dos" and "don'ts" here. Traditional Chinese serve the bowls of guests. It is considered rude to help yourself to the food you want when at someone's house. The proper way is to wait until the host serves your bowl. Don't be afraid that you will go hungry because good hosts take it as their personal mission to make sure your bowl is completely full all the time. Even after you have eaten 3-4 bowls full of food they will continue to scoop it for you and say "Don't be polite. Eat up. You haven't eaten anything yet." In the process they will give you what they consider to be the very best food, which might or might not be what you like.
In China, people walk almost everywhere. Shoes tend to collect more dirt and junk than in Western countries. Showing someone the bottom of your shoes is considered very rude. It is rude even when it happens in natural situations such as crossing your legs or putting your feet up on a coffee table. Like many rooted customs, this is slowly changing .The younger generation would not get as upset if this were to happen as an elderly person would. Also, when you enter someone's house you are supposed to take off your shoes first. Most homes have a set of "house shoes" for wearing inside and which they offer to guests. Although the home owner might protest and tell you it is not necessary to take off your shoes, you should do it anyway unless you are very close to the host. He is also being polite by saying "no need, no need", but actually there is a need. When my family first arrived in China, my father rode on the subway and crossed his legs in the seat. The gentleman sitting next to him took out a pad and paper and wrote something intently on it. Then he showed the paper to my father. It said, "The action which you are taking is impolite." Needless to say, we think twice before crossing our legs in public now!